Carpet Diem by Justin Lee Anderson

Author:Justin Lee Anderson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: pratchett, gaiman, holt
Publisher: Wild Wolf Publishing

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With trembling hands, Cherry switched her shower on and collapsed into a ball under the calming water, sobbing uncontrollably.

She was alive.

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Simon wasn’t good at being woken up from a deep sleep. Conversely, he was very good at sleeping.

When a subtle knocking on his door roused him from his happy slumber, his first instinct was to ignore it and hope it would go away. After all, what could be so important that he needed to wake up when he was this tired? Plus, he was having a nice dream about Heather Graham and a game of shuffleboard to save Africa from being deleted. It made sense in the dream.

Sadly, the knocking persisted.

The problem now, of course, was that he was awake enough to realise he needed to pee. He lay for a few moments, hoping the feeling would go away, but instead, he started to feel hungry. There are many things a man can sleep through, but when he consciously realises he is both hungry and in need of the toilet, the game is up. Salvation lies in a slice of buttered bread, via the bathroom.

Some persistent men will lie for an age, vainly trying to recapture their dream; to incorporate their hunger into it and ignore their bladder.

It doesn’t work.

Simon switched on his bedside lamp, then promptly knocked it over as he realised he wasn’t at home. He let out a fairly unmanly yelp, before the memory of where he was came back to him. He remembered why he had to get up. It was just after 3 am. Nobody who wasn’t watching a full season of 24 on DVD in real time should be up at this hour.

He stumbled out of bed and opened the door to let Sean and Harriet in. When he emerged from the toilet a few minutes later, Sean was pouring coffee. Simon picked up a packet of biscuits from the table and sat on the bed.

“You back with us, then?” Sean smiled, handing him a cup.

Simon was amazed at how the Irish could smile in any situation. Come Armageddon, the nation of Ireland would surely be found in the pub, laughing like children and beckoning the horsemen in for a Guinness.

“I suppose so,” he answered. “I probably shouldn’t have gone to sleep.”

“Yeah, we didn’t bother in the end,” said Sean.

That was as much as Simon was prepared to think about that, so he focused on the less disturbing idea of breaking a giant out of a castle dungeon.

Then he had a quick shower.

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